I truly have learned that there is no greater relief than to wake next to someone you love, and know they will still be there when you get home later that day, when you fall asleep that night, and when you wake again tomorrow.
I choose the word "relief" because, to me, that is exactly what it is. I will never forget the night I slept in the same bed with someone else, we didn't "sleep" together in that sense until nearly a year and a half later (when I married him.) But waking up that next morning, and still feeling his arms around me, as we tossed and turned all night pretending to be asleep but our hearts were both racing with excitement - - it was sweet, and perfect. Groggily crawling out of bed in the clothes we wore the night before, and having him put on his glasses that I hadn't seen in years just to drive me the block and a half home so I didn't have to walk.
It was a perfect morning.
I'm so grateful to have a perfect morning every day. =D
::feeling uber lovey dovey, sorry everyone::
Amber
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Friendship
Today I learned a lot about how "friendships" develop in a child's mind while in my Sociology of Childhood and Adolescence class. It was interesting to reflect back on the way I used to make friends when I was in Elementary school; it was difficult for me to immediately adapt to everyone when I first came in, because I missed my old Preschool friends. I had no neighbors, no one to really cling to. Most of the kids in my Kindergarten class had friends from the local Preschool, and had known each other through church, and through their families.
... I admit I struggled this morning to remember some of the people I loved in Elementary school, but I did eventually remember! I didn't have any girlfriends until first grade, when I met my dear Amber Schad, and we were almost inseparable for about 8 years until she moved away to Pittsburg.
Ahem. She is now a lesbian. But moving on ...
I do know my first friends were all boys - and not the popular ones. I don't remember if I approached them first or if they approached me, but I do know that I stuck by them like glue. I was never romantically interested in any of them (though as we got older, the opposite happened ... and it was a little heartbreaking to say the least when I still wasn't interested) but they were the best friends I could have asked for.
Girls were always the biggest issue. A girl in 1st grade came to our school from England, and she and I were fast friends. I thought she was so cute, with her little blonde bob, and everyone just loved her. She was the most popular girl I'd ever known, and that is including all the high school cliques that are so well known. She was fast friends with all the cutest boys, all the teachers, all of ... everyone. She could draw, she could sing, could do pretty much everything. I don't think I'd ever felt jealousy before I met her - but I still yearned to be one of her friends. I like to think I was one of them for a few years ... but in retrospect, I'm not sure that I ever really was.
I was always gone from school, too, because I was sick a lot as a kid, so making steady friends in my classes was always pretty hard.
I remember feeling awkward and left out at a very early age. I don't really know why I didn't fit in - but I know I didn't. I started to become a "good student" after second grade (where I was a little delinquent) and I started to change my attitude a little. I became a kid of trends, and I always wanted the "hot new thing." Which was not easy on my parents, I'm sure, which I became very sorry for. But I was trying really hard to become "one of the crowd," and as time went on, I was STILL one of the guys - and that never really changed, I guess.
My girlfriends as I got older were more sporatic. I will say I never felt like I belonged to any specific group in high school. There were a few people on my speech team that I spent a lot of time with, but after Freshman year, I started to distance myself a little after I found out everything they said about me when I wasn't around. Of course they denied it (and still do) but I was no idiot. I caught one of them red handed and never told her that I heard it from her own mouth - she still denies saying what I accused her of.
Sometimes you have to learn to be careful.
Anyway, what I learned is that in elementary school, children learn how to ask questions, and edge their way into friendships. Children are very protective of their groups, and it turns out - there is scientific proof that friendship cliques are hard to break into!
Who knew science could prove what we all know from experience?!
My wedding taught me a lot of things about friendship - it taught me that there were a lot of people who showed up and worked hard to show me they cared, and there were a few people who left me feeling very disappointed. Heartbroken, in fact.
The point is that our friendships are fragile, both as children and as adults. That it's difficult to break into social groups not just when we are "new kids" and don't know anyone - but if you think about how hard it was to be included if you ever came into a new play group and had a new idea (and were immediately shunned because of it) then compare that to a new group at work not letting you eat lunch with them because you changed a spreadsheet formula in your first week. People like routine, and they don't like change - if you are going to break into their group and bring change with you, they're going to resist you as much as possible.
My dad taught me a very important lesson when I was younger - find one thing you have in common, just one thing, and that's all you need to make a friend. Proof of this is all the friends I made on Speech - we had nothing in common, but we loved what we were doing, and it was like finding instant Soulmates. I never knew Sami prior to my Sophomore year of college - but I think she will agree with me that if we hadn't had a few mutual friends, we wouldn't be as close as we are now.
Which I am incredibly thankful for, because she's been an amazing support to me since this year has been a hard one. She offers me great words of wisdom and comfort when I feel my worst - which is the absolute definition of a friend to me.
Friends should stick by your side in good times AND in bad - and not split when things get rough just because they may not like how you react.
My friends are all very dear to me, and I love them with all of my heart. I am so grateful to know that I have good friends that I can depend on, and that know they can depend on me.
I am so blessed. Love all!
Amber ♥
... I admit I struggled this morning to remember some of the people I loved in Elementary school, but I did eventually remember! I didn't have any girlfriends until first grade, when I met my dear Amber Schad, and we were almost inseparable for about 8 years until she moved away to Pittsburg.
Ahem. She is now a lesbian. But moving on ...
I do know my first friends were all boys - and not the popular ones. I don't remember if I approached them first or if they approached me, but I do know that I stuck by them like glue. I was never romantically interested in any of them (though as we got older, the opposite happened ... and it was a little heartbreaking to say the least when I still wasn't interested) but they were the best friends I could have asked for.
Girls were always the biggest issue. A girl in 1st grade came to our school from England, and she and I were fast friends. I thought she was so cute, with her little blonde bob, and everyone just loved her. She was the most popular girl I'd ever known, and that is including all the high school cliques that are so well known. She was fast friends with all the cutest boys, all the teachers, all of ... everyone. She could draw, she could sing, could do pretty much everything. I don't think I'd ever felt jealousy before I met her - but I still yearned to be one of her friends. I like to think I was one of them for a few years ... but in retrospect, I'm not sure that I ever really was.
I was always gone from school, too, because I was sick a lot as a kid, so making steady friends in my classes was always pretty hard.
I remember feeling awkward and left out at a very early age. I don't really know why I didn't fit in - but I know I didn't. I started to become a "good student" after second grade (where I was a little delinquent) and I started to change my attitude a little. I became a kid of trends, and I always wanted the "hot new thing." Which was not easy on my parents, I'm sure, which I became very sorry for. But I was trying really hard to become "one of the crowd," and as time went on, I was STILL one of the guys - and that never really changed, I guess.
My girlfriends as I got older were more sporatic. I will say I never felt like I belonged to any specific group in high school. There were a few people on my speech team that I spent a lot of time with, but after Freshman year, I started to distance myself a little after I found out everything they said about me when I wasn't around. Of course they denied it (and still do) but I was no idiot. I caught one of them red handed and never told her that I heard it from her own mouth - she still denies saying what I accused her of.
Sometimes you have to learn to be careful.
Anyway, what I learned is that in elementary school, children learn how to ask questions, and edge their way into friendships. Children are very protective of their groups, and it turns out - there is scientific proof that friendship cliques are hard to break into!
Who knew science could prove what we all know from experience?!
My wedding taught me a lot of things about friendship - it taught me that there were a lot of people who showed up and worked hard to show me they cared, and there were a few people who left me feeling very disappointed. Heartbroken, in fact.
The point is that our friendships are fragile, both as children and as adults. That it's difficult to break into social groups not just when we are "new kids" and don't know anyone - but if you think about how hard it was to be included if you ever came into a new play group and had a new idea (and were immediately shunned because of it) then compare that to a new group at work not letting you eat lunch with them because you changed a spreadsheet formula in your first week. People like routine, and they don't like change - if you are going to break into their group and bring change with you, they're going to resist you as much as possible.
My dad taught me a very important lesson when I was younger - find one thing you have in common, just one thing, and that's all you need to make a friend. Proof of this is all the friends I made on Speech - we had nothing in common, but we loved what we were doing, and it was like finding instant Soulmates. I never knew Sami prior to my Sophomore year of college - but I think she will agree with me that if we hadn't had a few mutual friends, we wouldn't be as close as we are now.
Which I am incredibly thankful for, because she's been an amazing support to me since this year has been a hard one. She offers me great words of wisdom and comfort when I feel my worst - which is the absolute definition of a friend to me.
Friends should stick by your side in good times AND in bad - and not split when things get rough just because they may not like how you react.
My friends are all very dear to me, and I love them with all of my heart. I am so grateful to know that I have good friends that I can depend on, and that know they can depend on me.
I am so blessed. Love all!
Amber ♥
Thursday, September 17, 2009
My Old Weekly Advice - rediscovered!
An old friend of mine told me yesterday that she still had all of the Weekly Advice emails that I used to send my Junior year of high school; it really touched my heart that she still had them, and even moreso when she sent them to me today.
I'll probably be posting them in one big blog sometime soon - right now I'm just trying to remember what I was alluding to in most of them!!
Have you ever found an old journal and asked yourself why you decided to hang on to what you did? I love discovering old poems, and heal myself from old wounds over again by remembering the strengths I had back in the day. It's comforting when I remember all I have gone through, to remind me that nothing I face could ever be THAT hard.
Love to all,
Amber
I'll probably be posting them in one big blog sometime soon - right now I'm just trying to remember what I was alluding to in most of them!!
Have you ever found an old journal and asked yourself why you decided to hang on to what you did? I love discovering old poems, and heal myself from old wounds over again by remembering the strengths I had back in the day. It's comforting when I remember all I have gone through, to remind me that nothing I face could ever be THAT hard.
Love to all,
Amber
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
While working out - proper attire?
Is it really necessary to wear a regular bra, a sports bra, a tank top AND a loose T-shirt while working out?
Today while I was at the gym with Steve, I saw at least three girls in this kind of attire. Is it really necessary? If they're trying to burn more fat and sweat more, why not just wear ... umm .... a sweatshirt and sweatpants?
Isn't that what they're for?
I may be a little out of the loop when it comes to my personal fashion and what I like to wear - I have an extensive closet, but I don't like to wear what's in it because I have this totally irrational fear that I'll somehow spoil my good clothes if I wear them. BUT this doesn't mean I don't know what looks good (and what looks ridiculous) on someone else.
It's the gym, and I won't judge overall appearance - but isn't the point of a sports bra to act as a bra AND a tank top? Why wear double of either of them (especially the bra part - wouldn't the straps falling down as you flexed drive you crazy?)
On another note - planning to laminate the strange fortune I got last week. Hopefully it's still where I put it last!!
Love to all, and goodnight!
Amber
Today while I was at the gym with Steve, I saw at least three girls in this kind of attire. Is it really necessary? If they're trying to burn more fat and sweat more, why not just wear ... umm .... a sweatshirt and sweatpants?
Isn't that what they're for?
I may be a little out of the loop when it comes to my personal fashion and what I like to wear - I have an extensive closet, but I don't like to wear what's in it because I have this totally irrational fear that I'll somehow spoil my good clothes if I wear them. BUT this doesn't mean I don't know what looks good (and what looks ridiculous) on someone else.
It's the gym, and I won't judge overall appearance - but isn't the point of a sports bra to act as a bra AND a tank top? Why wear double of either of them (especially the bra part - wouldn't the straps falling down as you flexed drive you crazy?)
On another note - planning to laminate the strange fortune I got last week. Hopefully it's still where I put it last!!
Love to all, and goodnight!
Amber
Monday, September 14, 2009
Should relationships be "hard" ?
So often lately, I have been hearing so many people talk about how their relationships are hard - and they should be. Elements include the necessity of arguing, altering how you see things to align with another person's views, general headbutting, and the very vague term, "hard work." I've even been told that my relationship should be questioned because I don't ever define my own relationship as "hard."
I'd like to know what you think - should you be skeptical if you get along with someone better, or consider your relationship more satisfying if you fight frequently? Would you define your relationship as difficult, and in general believe they should be? Please let me know what you think!
Amber =D
I'd like to know what you think - should you be skeptical if you get along with someone better, or consider your relationship more satisfying if you fight frequently? Would you define your relationship as difficult, and in general believe they should be? Please let me know what you think!
Amber =D
Saturday, September 12, 2009
The Craziness of Insomnia, and part two on Fortune Cookies
Ever had a night where, no matter what you did, you just couldn't find yourself falling asleep?
Doesn't matter how tired you are, how upset, angry, happy, elated, horny, etc, you are - you just can't get to the peaceful REM cycle.
Personally - I hate that feeling.
I wonder what to do with myself when the night gets longer and longer, my day creeps up on me in front of my eyes, and I just can't close them long enough to feel comforted by sleep. Instead I just stay up, research the most random things (tonight, part of it was human chimerism, a very interesting occurence where two embryos within the first four days of fertilization fuze together into one fetus, literally accruing two DNA sequences into one, normally functioning body) and try to expand my brain power while it's running at that "just asleep enough to remember everything I couldn't earlier in the day" stage.
That, and of course, listen to obscene Robin Williams jokes and Stephen Lynch songs, and recall the punchline so I laugh two minutes too early, making Steve look at me with that "you are very strange to have found that funny" look he gets. =D
My favorite is listening to "Superhero" by Steven Lynch, the 12 minute, two-part YouTube clip of it. Hilarious!
Do any of you have better ideas of what to do with your time when it gets too late to focus on a book, but you're too awake to eat or play a game?
The second half of my research tonight is part two of the Fortune Cookie post -
How a fortune cookie is made:
Some cookies are made with so few ingredients that they are incredibly soft and plyable when they are first removed from the oven; since Fortune Cookies are only made of flour, sugar, oil and eggs *nothing that would cause the cookies to change or rise other than cooking the egg to keep it all together* they are simply the four inch rounds they were when they first went into the oven.
Because they come out as essentially their "raw" state, they are able to be moved into the classic fortune cookie shape, and that is when the fortunes are placed within the cookies.
Boy - that would be an interesting job, wouldn't it? I would want to be a fortune cookie folder!!!
Love to all - I need to snuggle my kitties and try my hardest to go to bed.
Amber =D
Doesn't matter how tired you are, how upset, angry, happy, elated, horny, etc, you are - you just can't get to the peaceful REM cycle.
Personally - I hate that feeling.
I wonder what to do with myself when the night gets longer and longer, my day creeps up on me in front of my eyes, and I just can't close them long enough to feel comforted by sleep. Instead I just stay up, research the most random things (tonight, part of it was human chimerism, a very interesting occurence where two embryos within the first four days of fertilization fuze together into one fetus, literally accruing two DNA sequences into one, normally functioning body) and try to expand my brain power while it's running at that "just asleep enough to remember everything I couldn't earlier in the day" stage.
That, and of course, listen to obscene Robin Williams jokes and Stephen Lynch songs, and recall the punchline so I laugh two minutes too early, making Steve look at me with that "you are very strange to have found that funny" look he gets. =D
My favorite is listening to "Superhero" by Steven Lynch, the 12 minute, two-part YouTube clip of it. Hilarious!
Do any of you have better ideas of what to do with your time when it gets too late to focus on a book, but you're too awake to eat or play a game?
The second half of my research tonight is part two of the Fortune Cookie post -
How a fortune cookie is made:
Some cookies are made with so few ingredients that they are incredibly soft and plyable when they are first removed from the oven; since Fortune Cookies are only made of flour, sugar, oil and eggs *nothing that would cause the cookies to change or rise other than cooking the egg to keep it all together* they are simply the four inch rounds they were when they first went into the oven.
Because they come out as essentially their "raw" state, they are able to be moved into the classic fortune cookie shape, and that is when the fortunes are placed within the cookies.
Boy - that would be an interesting job, wouldn't it? I would want to be a fortune cookie folder!!!
Love to all - I need to snuggle my kitties and try my hardest to go to bed.
Amber =D
Friday, September 11, 2009
Random Acts of Kindness
Hello all -
While I wish I couldn't say that this is the saddest month of the year, it really is. Not only is today the 8th anniversary of 9/11 (even though I don't think the event itself was what affected our generation as much as what our parents' reactions did) but it is also the third year anniversary of the loss of a wonderful young girl, miss Emily Keyes.
Emily was an unfortunate victim in a school shooting that took place on September 27th, 2006 at Platte Canyon High School in Bailey, Colorado. I remember that day vividly, and now that a few of the clubs I'm involved with have planned things for the 27th, it stings me to think of the other obligations I have that day outside of just sitting down, contemplating Emily, and praying for the good will of my hometown.
However, as much as the loss of Emily was great, she left in her absence a great wake of good thoughts and intentions, and her family restarted an old tradition called "Random Acts of Kindness for Emily." Obviously the acts of kindness don't need to be done for the sake of her - but Emily was killed in a random act of violence, and the best way to prevent such acts is to do the opposite.
I try to commit a random act of kindness at least once a week - sometimes I succeed in greater ways than others, and sometimes it's just opening the door for a crowd of people when I'm already late. It's putting myself out there as an advocate for some things that are embarassing to annouce to a class - and sometimes it's the kindness of keeping my mouth shut. Random acts of kindness are everywhere, and can be found in anything.
I feel like every time September comes around, and maybe it's because of school, there's a new start in my life of some kind. Every September that I can recall, something incredible, magical, or tragic has happened to change my life in some drastic way.
This September will be no different - and I'm making changes that I'm really struggling to make, but like to think I'll hold my head high in the end, and know my place.
I chose the picture of her that I did because, personally, I think she would have been horrified to have known that her school picture of that year was the one that got released. Her smile was so much more bright, so vibrant, and she gave so much sunshine to our world - I'm sorry, LifeTouch, but you just can't capture that.
Love to all,
Amber
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Is this really a fortune? Or merely a statement?
Okay, come on. When I cracked open the sugary, stiff shell of the fortune cookie last night at the Chinese buffet on 10th street, this was the last thing I expected to see. I've had fortunes that were blank, some nonexistent - I think my sister even got one that said "You have no fortune." But this?
Come on!!!
Sometimes I wonder who gets paid to write fortunes to people, and if they secretly say "in bed" at the end of them just for kicks like we all do when we open them. Do they bake the cookies with the fortunes inside? The obvious answer would be no - but I can't imagine that the cookies themselves are plyable enough to place the paper inside without breaking them after they're finished. I could be wrong, this is something I've never bothered to look up (of course, now I'll be compelled, and I'll blog again about that eventually.)
The best fortune I ever got is still locked tightly in my wallet. It says, "You must give up what you could lose in order to gain what you could not lose." I got this fortune just a week, if that, after I became engaged to Steve, and I was facing a lot of turmoil regarding the situation. It was also around this time that I had one of the strangest religious experience of my life - of which I've never told anyone (and still won't lol this isn't a confessional) but I really cherished this message. It seemed to speak of the hope for new things, instead of the stubborn clings to the norm.
I just wonder - what's the best fortune, or worst fortune, you've ever received in a fortune cookie?
Love to all,
Amber
Monday, September 7, 2009
A few worries about health...
Hello All -
Tonight I write with a little bit of a pained heart. I've finally come to the conclusion that I need to find a doctor in our area so I can set up an appointment - and let me tell you, avoiding the doctor is one of my favorite pasttimes.
Since I was very young, I've had medical issues ranging from ear surgeries to sinus infections so serious that doctors refused to treat me. I was even allergic to, quite literally, everything at one point, and I nearly lived off of rice, sugar, and soy milk for about six months. THAT was the worst time of my life by that point, really!
I haven't had a surgery since I was very young, and I'd be lying if I said I remembered it. I do remember finding my ear graft on my pillow one morning, and I even remember the exact moment that I became "an Atheist," lying in a hospital room at 8 years old, convinced that if there was a God - he'd be holding my hand, not watching me cry at 3 AM like I was.
While I'm thankful the latter of that statement has changed for me, my opinion of doctors and their usefulness has not. I hated getting poked and prodded, always being told there was something ELSE wrong with me - I was convinced they didn't know what they were talking about. About seven years ago (maybe longer now that I think of it), I started having drainage from my left ear again (I have a perforation in my eardrum on that side) that smelled very ominous, and was a big red flag for one of the most destructive ear infections possible: a Cholesteatoma. All of my doctors were convinced I had the infection, only removeable by surgery (and even after that, I could have relapses.) I was terrified. I even remember seeing Terrel Davis (attempting to disguise his huge frame, haha) at an MRI office in downtown Denver to confirm or disprove this diagnosis.
While all my doctors were certain I had it, I was constantly denying it. The infection wasn't painful, and if I didn't have drainage, I wouldn't have thought there was anything wrong at all. They put me on several different medications, all ear drops that burned like crazy as soon as they hit my ear canal... and they eventually roller coasted downward in severity until I was put on Floxin Otic, a mild ear drop that I barely felt at all. I remember thinking that this last infection was to be my miracle - so many doctors convinced I had this incredibly destructive infection, while I was hoping with all my hear that it wasn't - and my infection cleared up just like that. No Cholesteatoma - it was like the infection had never been there. I still have an unopened box of Floxin in my makeup drawer - a constant reminder that I have help should the drainage return someday.
Now, I do my best to keep my ears and body healthy. It's easy to see where my priorities are in health considering the fact that I only go to the doctor when I have the flu or some kind of throat problem; if it keeps me from work, then I care about it. Lately the most I've done is head over to Planned Parenthood every once in a while to grab some more of my B.C., and get on with my day.
Unfortunately, I have been ignoring a couple issues that have been bothering me for longer than they should, and ever since mid May, I've had a pain in my right shoulder that I, at first, considered to be from overstressing by lifting the cash bags at work. Now, it is so severe that it wakes me up at night, I can't move the blankets with my right arm without sharp pain, along with a laundry list of other daytime issues. I've always been able to pop my right shoulder in and out of its socket, which I know doesn't help things. I just never expected to essentially lose good use out of my right shoulder - and now I have to seek help for it. I really don't want to do it, and if I could just pretend it doesn't hurt anymore that would be great - but being woken up by something as stupid as my shoulder? It makes no sense. And if I tore something, I don't want to permanently damage it by ignoring the issue. But I feel panicky, and very worried about what I might be told when I do make it to the doctor (especially when they get to the part of, "this is your fault because....)
::sigh:: I guess it's my fault for putting the visit off too long -- but I'm going to pray that these issues are small, and will quickly be expelled so that I don't worry about them so much!
Love to all,
Amber
Tonight I write with a little bit of a pained heart. I've finally come to the conclusion that I need to find a doctor in our area so I can set up an appointment - and let me tell you, avoiding the doctor is one of my favorite pasttimes.
Since I was very young, I've had medical issues ranging from ear surgeries to sinus infections so serious that doctors refused to treat me. I was even allergic to, quite literally, everything at one point, and I nearly lived off of rice, sugar, and soy milk for about six months. THAT was the worst time of my life by that point, really!
I haven't had a surgery since I was very young, and I'd be lying if I said I remembered it. I do remember finding my ear graft on my pillow one morning, and I even remember the exact moment that I became "an Atheist," lying in a hospital room at 8 years old, convinced that if there was a God - he'd be holding my hand, not watching me cry at 3 AM like I was.
While I'm thankful the latter of that statement has changed for me, my opinion of doctors and their usefulness has not. I hated getting poked and prodded, always being told there was something ELSE wrong with me - I was convinced they didn't know what they were talking about. About seven years ago (maybe longer now that I think of it), I started having drainage from my left ear again (I have a perforation in my eardrum on that side) that smelled very ominous, and was a big red flag for one of the most destructive ear infections possible: a Cholesteatoma. All of my doctors were convinced I had the infection, only removeable by surgery (and even after that, I could have relapses.) I was terrified. I even remember seeing Terrel Davis (attempting to disguise his huge frame, haha) at an MRI office in downtown Denver to confirm or disprove this diagnosis.
While all my doctors were certain I had it, I was constantly denying it. The infection wasn't painful, and if I didn't have drainage, I wouldn't have thought there was anything wrong at all. They put me on several different medications, all ear drops that burned like crazy as soon as they hit my ear canal... and they eventually roller coasted downward in severity until I was put on Floxin Otic, a mild ear drop that I barely felt at all. I remember thinking that this last infection was to be my miracle - so many doctors convinced I had this incredibly destructive infection, while I was hoping with all my hear that it wasn't - and my infection cleared up just like that. No Cholesteatoma - it was like the infection had never been there. I still have an unopened box of Floxin in my makeup drawer - a constant reminder that I have help should the drainage return someday.
Now, I do my best to keep my ears and body healthy. It's easy to see where my priorities are in health considering the fact that I only go to the doctor when I have the flu or some kind of throat problem; if it keeps me from work, then I care about it. Lately the most I've done is head over to Planned Parenthood every once in a while to grab some more of my B.C., and get on with my day.
Unfortunately, I have been ignoring a couple issues that have been bothering me for longer than they should, and ever since mid May, I've had a pain in my right shoulder that I, at first, considered to be from overstressing by lifting the cash bags at work. Now, it is so severe that it wakes me up at night, I can't move the blankets with my right arm without sharp pain, along with a laundry list of other daytime issues. I've always been able to pop my right shoulder in and out of its socket, which I know doesn't help things. I just never expected to essentially lose good use out of my right shoulder - and now I have to seek help for it. I really don't want to do it, and if I could just pretend it doesn't hurt anymore that would be great - but being woken up by something as stupid as my shoulder? It makes no sense. And if I tore something, I don't want to permanently damage it by ignoring the issue. But I feel panicky, and very worried about what I might be told when I do make it to the doctor (especially when they get to the part of, "this is your fault because....)
::sigh:: I guess it's my fault for putting the visit off too long -- but I'm going to pray that these issues are small, and will quickly be expelled so that I don't worry about them so much!
Love to all,
Amber
Sunday, September 6, 2009
A new beginning - a new start - a new life ... ?
Hello all!
My name is Amber. I guess that's a cliche way to begin a first post, but I have to admit - I was a little lost on how to begin.
I used to be an avid blogger, writing this way and that - I am sure I have a few abandoned, blood-sucked blogs out there on the interweb of information. My favorite medium was the classic high school outlet LiveJournal, where I had more than a few journals going at once. The attraction? Journaling is a human's ultimate outlet of thoughts, feelings, and fantasies, and for someone who types like I do, it seemed like an easy way to get everything down.
Funny that now I say that when my internet at the time was the slowest dial-up I'd ever seen, =D.
I slowly moved from LiveJournal to Myspace, from Myspace to Hi5 (which I am happy to say I never actually used), from Hi5 to Xanga ... which I also never used. I did have a Blogspot, possibly even an abandoned Blogger somewhere in the mix. All of these were eventually hushed away for Facebook back in the day, when only college kids (with college emails) could register, newsfeed didn't exist, the format was easy to read, and no one had to worry about previous high school nightmares following them around, constantly bugging us to take pointless quizzes every ten seconds!
Ahh, those were the days ....
I do have a Twitter account that I rarely use, along with my ancient Myspace and Facebook. While my Facebook hasn't been deleted simply because it's my only form of communication with many "lost" friends, my old Myspace is that little piece of pride, when I could upload my music to the on-homepage player, and watch the numbers rise. I'll admit it's been almost a year since I looked at the playlist count, but I'm sure it's still stationary at about 500. =D
While this blog mentions "I" quite often, my hope is that this blog will help start a new beginning for my thoughts, and motivate me to leave some painful stings behind. I love online networking (you know, before Facebook and Myspace made it stalking,) and expressing thoughts - and even inviting debates.
Welcome to my blog! I hope you enjoy. =D
Amber M. Powner
My name is Amber. I guess that's a cliche way to begin a first post, but I have to admit - I was a little lost on how to begin.
I used to be an avid blogger, writing this way and that - I am sure I have a few abandoned, blood-sucked blogs out there on the interweb of information. My favorite medium was the classic high school outlet LiveJournal, where I had more than a few journals going at once. The attraction? Journaling is a human's ultimate outlet of thoughts, feelings, and fantasies, and for someone who types like I do, it seemed like an easy way to get everything down.
Funny that now I say that when my internet at the time was the slowest dial-up I'd ever seen, =D.
I slowly moved from LiveJournal to Myspace, from Myspace to Hi5 (which I am happy to say I never actually used), from Hi5 to Xanga ... which I also never used. I did have a Blogspot, possibly even an abandoned Blogger somewhere in the mix. All of these were eventually hushed away for Facebook back in the day, when only college kids (with college emails) could register, newsfeed didn't exist, the format was easy to read, and no one had to worry about previous high school nightmares following them around, constantly bugging us to take pointless quizzes every ten seconds!
Ahh, those were the days ....
I do have a Twitter account that I rarely use, along with my ancient Myspace and Facebook. While my Facebook hasn't been deleted simply because it's my only form of communication with many "lost" friends, my old Myspace is that little piece of pride, when I could upload my music to the on-homepage player, and watch the numbers rise. I'll admit it's been almost a year since I looked at the playlist count, but I'm sure it's still stationary at about 500. =D
While this blog mentions "I" quite often, my hope is that this blog will help start a new beginning for my thoughts, and motivate me to leave some painful stings behind. I love online networking (you know, before Facebook and Myspace made it stalking,) and expressing thoughts - and even inviting debates.
Welcome to my blog! I hope you enjoy. =D
Amber M. Powner
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