Friendship

Today I learned a lot about how "friendships" develop in a child's mind while in my Sociology of Childhood and Adolescence class. It was interesting to reflect back on the way I used to make friends when I was in Elementary school; it was difficult for me to immediately adapt to everyone when I first came in, because I missed my old Preschool friends. I had no neighbors, no one to really cling to. Most of the kids in my Kindergarten class had friends from the local Preschool, and had known each other through church, and through their families.

... I admit I struggled this morning to remember some of the people I loved in Elementary school, but I did eventually remember! I didn't have any girlfriends until first grade, when I met my dear Amber Schad, and we were almost inseparable for about 8 years until she moved away to Pittsburg.

Ahem. She is now a lesbian. But moving on ...

I do know my first friends were all boys - and not the popular ones. I don't remember if I approached them first or if they approached me, but I do know that I stuck by them like glue. I was never romantically interested in any of them (though as we got older, the opposite happened ... and it was a little heartbreaking to say the least when I still wasn't interested) but they were the best friends I could have asked for.

Girls were always the biggest issue. A girl in 1st grade came to our school from England, and she and I were fast friends. I thought she was so cute, with her little blonde bob, and everyone just loved her. She was the most popular girl I'd ever known, and that is including all the high school cliques that are so well known. She was fast friends with all the cutest boys, all the teachers, all of ... everyone. She could draw, she could sing, could do pretty much everything. I don't think I'd ever felt jealousy before I met her - but I still yearned to be one of her friends. I like to think I was one of them for a few years ... but in retrospect, I'm not sure that I ever really was.

I was always gone from school, too, because I was sick a lot as a kid, so making steady friends in my classes was always pretty hard.
I remember feeling awkward and left out at a very early age. I don't really know why I didn't fit in - but I know I didn't. I started to become a "good student" after second grade (where I was a little delinquent) and I started to change my attitude a little. I became a kid of trends, and I always wanted the "hot new thing." Which was not easy on my parents, I'm sure, which I became very sorry for. But I was trying really hard to become "one of the crowd," and as time went on, I was STILL one of the guys - and that never really changed, I guess.

My girlfriends as I got older were more sporatic. I will say I never felt like I belonged to any specific group in high school. There were a few people on my speech team that I spent a lot of time with, but after Freshman year, I started to distance myself a little after I found out everything they said about me when I wasn't around. Of course they denied it (and still do) but I was no idiot. I caught one of them red handed and never told her that I heard it from her own mouth - she still denies saying what I accused her of.

Sometimes you have to learn to be careful.

Anyway, what I learned is that in elementary school, children learn how to ask questions, and edge their way into friendships. Children are very protective of their groups, and it turns out - there is scientific proof that friendship cliques are hard to break into!
Who knew science could prove what we all know from experience?!

My wedding taught me a lot of things about friendship - it taught me that there were a lot of people who showed up and worked hard to show me they cared, and there were a few people who left me feeling very disappointed. Heartbroken, in fact.
The point is that our friendships are fragile, both as children and as adults. That it's difficult to break into social groups not just when we are "new kids" and don't know anyone - but if you think about how hard it was to be included if you ever came into a new play group and had a new idea (and were immediately shunned because of it) then compare that to a new group at work not letting you eat lunch with them because you changed a spreadsheet formula in your first week. People like routine, and they don't like change - if you are going to break into their group and bring change with you, they're going to resist you as much as possible.

My dad taught me a very important lesson when I was younger - find one thing you have in common, just one thing, and that's all you need to make a friend. Proof of this is all the friends I made on Speech - we had nothing in common, but we loved what we were doing, and it was like finding instant Soulmates. I never knew Sami prior to my Sophomore year of college - but I think she will agree with me that if we hadn't had a few mutual friends, we wouldn't be as close as we are now.

Which I am incredibly thankful for, because she's been an amazing support to me since this year has been a hard one. She offers me great words of wisdom and comfort when I feel my worst - which is the absolute definition of a friend to me.
Friends should stick by your side in good times AND in bad - and not split when things get rough just because they may not like how you react.

My friends are all very dear to me, and I love them with all of my heart. I am so grateful to know that I have good friends that I can depend on, and that know they can depend on me.

I am so blessed. Love all!
Amber ♥